Caveat Emptor
(Buyer Beware)
Has it happened to you? A letter arrives from someone named George Fitch. Inside is an announcement of a brand new publication all about the Fitch family: Our coat of arms. All our distinguished ancestors, going back to the 11th century. A compilation of all the people in the world who share our name. And information about how you can do your own research to learn even more. All this for the special, pre-publication, one-time-only, never-to-be-repeated, last-chance-at-this-price, of only $49.95.
BUYER BEWARE! What you'll probably get is a "certificate, suitable for framing," with the Fitch coat of arms and a largely mythical history of the family. You'll also get a computer printout of names and addresses compiled from phone directories of everyone in the U.S. with the name Fitch. And, finally, a few paragraphs of boiler plate about genealogical research.
The good news is that the most notorious of these firms, Halbert's Inc. of Bath, Ohio, is finally going out of business! Back in 1995, the National Genealogical Society (NGS), with the support of the Federation of Genealogical Societies (FGS), submitted to the United States Postal Service's Chief Counsel, Consumer Protection, a 120-page report on Halbert's marketing practices with the request that these practices be investigated. In November 1995, Halbert's was ordered to desist from falsely representing ". . .that (1) a solicitation for a surname-related product was sent by a relative of the solicitee; (2) a relative of a solicitee was involved in preparing a surname-related publication; or that (3) a relative of a solicitee endorses a surname- related product." The Postal Service contended that the company's solicitations, which advertised books such as The World Book of [surname] and The [surname] Since the Civil War, violated the 1988 consent agreement, because they appeared to be letters from relatives of the addressees urging them to purchase a recently completed book on their family. They were also ordered to display a disclaimer that "No direct genealogical connection to your family or ancestry is implied or intended."
Evidently the combined pressure of the Postal Service and increasing competition from the internet has prompted Halbert's parent companies, NUMA of Akron, Ohio, and Cendant of Parisppany, New Jersey, to put the company out of business. Good riddance!
But now, as mentioned above, internet companies are picking up the slack. Here's an announcement from Hall of Names International Inc., pushing their Fitch family materials:
"The history of this ancient Suffolk family traces its ancestry as a family of origin before the year 1100 and appears first in the ancient records in Suffolk . This completely researched parchment history of the FITCH family not only includes in full colour the most ancient family name Coat of Arms but traces the surname origin forward from the 11th or 12th century. This beautifully detailed history includes the FITCH nobles & titles, the family castles, estates and manors, the battles, wars and feuds they overcame, the branches as they formed throughout Europe, pioneers and settler's and also the notables of this distinguised family who lived during this century. Learn more about the FITCH family in this 1700 word beautifully illuminated parchment of this great distinguished family. These parchment scrolls are also recommended as a guide or roadmap of where the family held branches during the centuries for family historians or genealogists."
This is, of course, utter nonsense. The earliest person with the Fitch surname dates from 1240, and the earliest Fitch from whom we in America can claim descendancy dates from about 1400. There is no Fitch castle. There are no nobles or titles in our line. But why go on. You get the idea. This Hall of Names offers their "parchment" scroll for a mere $19.95. Now, the Oxford English Dictionary (OED) defines parchment as "The skin of the sheep or goat, and sometimes that of other animals, dressed and prepared for writing, painting, engraving, etc." What do you want to bet that you won't be getting your scroll on an animal skin?
But I have to give them credit for more imagination than Halbert's. They also offer coffee mugs with your coat of arms: four for $59.50. And a nice golf shirt with the arms for $34.95.
For more on this subject, visit the web site of Baronage Magazine and read their article on "Parodies."
As the title of this essay says: Caveat Emptor, which the OED defines as "Let the purchaser beware."